Nelson Mandela

Posted by maria nazod on Sunday, December 26, 2010
So, in light of having gotten through the formidable time known as The Holidays, (I think I am telling on myself here, that I am indeed a Grinch), but I am pretty sure I have been feeling erratically lately. And I am pretty sure I just used one of my co-residents as a confessional Kleenex.

I'm not really sure how it began, but I've been reading this book "Lifeskills for Adult Children." So turns out that most Adult Children of Alcoholics have the tendency to "lie" to themselves, thus not expressing how they actually feel for fear of being "found out." 

Unsurprisingly, I realize I have a tendency towards wanting to act tough and intact. So, in an attempt to rectify any self-deception, I spilled my guts, unwittingly to one of my fellow residents. I told her about my mother. How talking on the phone with her for ten minutes enforced my relief that I'd elected to stay in Santa Fe for Christmas. I told her about my family. How during this time of year, I usually tend to go a little bonkers. I am reminded of being the target for a lot of passive-aggressive, toxic teasing, then being accused of, "not being able to take a joke." 

I caught myself, mid-gush in the kitchen, telling her this, and I stopped. "Did I just tell you all that?"

And she imparted some advice to me: 

"When I reached a point where I believed that I could do anything, everything just fell into place. Before that, I never felt like I could measure up. Your family is no different; because they've not felt compelled to do something different, as you grow, they will always find something to pull apart. And this isn't a local struggle, it is a struggle throughout different countries as well. The difference is, in the US, women are just starting to achieve. But that is not the same as reaching power."

She then proceeded to give me a pep talk, telling me that I was lovely and beautiful. I almost cried. All I could think was, everything happens for a reason, and this is no coincidence.

I realized that the other day, I saw my favorite Nelson Mandela quote on an acquaintance's fridge. Listening to this woman's words inspired me to print it out and hang them above my computer. I need these words like air. As I sit down to work on my book, I need them to work under:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”   

Remember that. As I continue on with my book, going into what will f(hopefully) be the last draft, on a lonely day after Christmas, I am trying to roll these words over and over again, in my mind.  


About Me

Maria Nazos I'm a poet, I just wrote my first book, and I believe in destiny but I sure as hell don't wait for it. Check out my blog for my random thoughts, events, and upcoming workshops.